Esther Smith Books.com

Esther Smith began life in Alaska with her parents when she was 10 days old. She grew up in the native villages of Tanana and Nenana - until she graduated (from home-school) and decided to try out a warmer climate. She attended three years of college in her dad’s home state of Hawaii, on the Island of Oahu.

She closed the year 2000, by marrying her sweetheart, and then moved to Oregon to be near her new husband’s family due to some health situations. Since that time she has lived with her husband in AK, ID, UT, and CA before settling back in Oregon, where she and her family own a home in the Portland metro area.

Her three children have all been diagnosed with autism and so, she has dedicated most of her time and energy to researching, and learning how to help her children and others with autism – to be more functional and happy.

After having to quit school less than a year before graduation with a degree in fine arts/sculpting – she was finally able to graduate through an online university (after another full year of school and many semester classes in between at local colleges) with a degree in Graphics Design/Digital Art in March of 2007.

She has developed many books in the meantime – to help teach her autistic children, who she home-schools - and has decided that due to her children’s success with these books, she would publish and help other families who are affected by autism.

Questions and answers:

1Q: What inspired you to write this book?

1A: My children were definitely the inspiration for this book. I have wanted to be an author since I can remember and have been keeping book ideas since I was 7 years old, and saving them to write into novels. I have many good ideas and have always planned to write adult historical fiction, as well as time travel and some sci-fi stuff. I NEVER thought about writing for children.

It was while I was so busy with my children and always putting my goals and plans on hold and saying to myself, “When they are older, I’ll become an author” that I finally realized that I do not have to wait, They have a very huge need that thus far no one has been able to fill. My children’s autism makes their NEED to have step by step visual instructions for very minor activities mandatory.

So, I determined, “Why wait around to fulfill my goal? Why not use my talents and skills right now for the need that my children and so many others have?”

2Q: What kind of research have you done on autism?

2A: I have researched for hundreds and hundreds of hours. There is so much about autism and so many different points of view. There is everything from people thinking that it is caused from parents who do not spend enough time talking to their kids, to women taking anti-depressants during pregnancy, to women getting ultrasounds during pregnancy, to people eating too much fish, children or parents having too much testosterone, kids watching too much television, to receiving vaccinations.

There are also dozens of various supposed “cures” for autism as well. I have not tried all of them, as some of them seem and are ridiculous and harmful to children, but anything that has seemed promising, possible, does not cause harm and does not cost more than I can afford – I have tried.

I am not a scientist and just as they have no answer, I have no 100% scientific proof of anything, but I am a mother of children with autism, and I can tell you it does run in families. Obviously, it must – as I have 3 children who all have autism, and all of my children are mine and from the same husband – and with all our children the environmental circumstances have been different.

3Q: Having children on the autism apectrum, how do you have time to write and illustrate books?

3A: I really do NOT have the time to create these books! I actually make the time, because I feel it is important. Writing is an outlet for me, and I need it in my life, as is art and creating and beautifying things. I really do NOT have ANY extra time, but I have to pick and choose my priorities, as does everyone.
For me… my kids and family are my biggest priority, taking care of them, and giving myself an outlet so that I can function and remain sane and calm myself amidst calamity and chaos (which sometimes the home of any children seems, let alone a child with autism). I usually find time late in the evenings when everyone else is asleep. Really I probably should be sleeping, and my health has been a tad jeopardized from the lack of sleep, but in order to stay on top of my game and handle all that has been asked of me, I have to stay up late and get less rest. Thankfully, their have been friends and family and my wonderful husband who have watched my children for me, when I get to a point where I am too tired.

Also, most people do not know, as my husband seems perfectly fine, but he struggles from Crohn’s Disease. His crohn’s has been so horrible and unable to control at times that he has lived in and out of the hospital and has been out of work for quite some time (on and off). During those times, he is unable to work, but is usually able to read to the kids and watch movies with them and watch them while they play around him, so it has enabled me to work from home doing graphic design, web design and such to bring in income for our family and has given me more time to write my books.

4Q: What tips would you give other parents who suspect that their child has autism or other developmental delays?

4A: I would say, “Do NOT take NO for an answer!” If you suspect that your child has something wrong with them developmentally, behaviorally or otherwise… do not be timid and allow doctors, family, teachers, or friends to tell you that you are crazy or overly sensitive. They will! I have never met another parent of an autistic child who was not told that they were over exaggerating, or overly concerned about nothing! Most every one of these parents (whether a mom or a dad) have been told that they are paranoid. They are probably told this, because no one else sees all of these issues - all at once – the way you do, and they don’t have to deal with the worries and problems that autism can bring day in and day out.

If your child does things like head-bang, cry uncontrollably for no apparent reason (for extended periods of time), stare off in space a lot, hand-flap, stare at lights (for long periods of time), doesn’t respond to their name, or other human interaction such as affection, or any number of odd things… then you have the right to be concerned. It may NOT mean that your child has autism, but it could mean that. So no matter how rude people are to you, or how many times they tell you that you are just overly worrying, don’t listen to them if your “gut” feeling tells you otherwise.

There is so much that can be found on the internet these days. You can research the definition of autism, the symptoms and signs. You can join a chat group for autism and bring up your concerns to the parents in the group and ask them if this sounds like autism to them and who you should go to next, as there are always parents from all over the place who can tell you who to contact in your state.

I wish that I could tell you who to contact in your state and all over the world, but I can not yet. I am working on that for my autism web site and when it is completed, I will send you there. But there are only so many hours in a day and I am swamped right now, so it may be a while. One way or another, research, read up, and be your child’s advocate.

5Q: What kind of training do you have in the autism field?

5A: I have NO professional training, if that is what you are wondering! Unless, college psychology classes or early childhood development is counted However, just like a mom doesn’t have to have professional training to learn how to change a diaper, once she experiences it and continues to do it for a while - she gets pretty fast and good at it. “Practice makes Perfect” and I have been practicing for a while now, with three children. I am certainly not “perfect” at it yet, but I am very on top of things and experienced.

I have however been to parent trainings, early intervention classes and have worked with nearly countless therapists. Each of my children have had multiple speech therapists, occupational therapists, EI specialists, teachers, doctors, health specialists and so on. They have been hospitalized a few times, rushed off to the ER in an ambulance a few times for severe issues, or things as silly as putting a popcorn seed up their nose, and the ER doctor showing me how to plug the opposite side of my daughters nose and blow it out through her mouth after seven hours of waiting and a huge hospital bill.

6Q: How old are your children and do you have any support with them?

6A: My children are ages 6yrs, 4 yrs and 2.5 years old. I have long distance support from my parents, my aunt, my grandmas, my extended family, my sisters and siblings and my husbands family. We have my husband’s parents, who live about an hour away from us, who have done the best that they can and helped us in so many desperate and grueling circumstances, both with my husband and their son’s crohn’s disease, which has been intense, and with our children and their health and hospital visits. They really do help as much as they can.

Our church has helped us immensely during my husband’s work absence and me being unable to work, trying to care for my three kids and a very sickly husband. The members of our local church group have been dedicated and helpful and have been so friendly and wonderful. This year was hard, and we had at least 3 or 4 different groups of people playing our secret santa's and surprising us throughout the Christmas season.

I have a fabulous autism support group online. They are wonderful and have helped me so many times and with so many questions and have helped me pick myself up again, every time I am feeling too low to do it myself, because I feel safe to vent to them as there is little judgment from them, as we are all understanding of one another and in this together. They too feel misunderstood, judged and mocked quite frequently do to their family circumstances, but together we all feel confident and like we can “take on the world”.

Thank you to all my family (both my family and my husband’s family), friends, extended relatives, church members, support groups, and my kids special education therapists. Thank you so much! We love you and are sorry if we don’t always have the time to show it, or express it in the ways you wish or need.

7Q: Do you plan on writing other books in the future?

7A: Most certainly! In fact I actually have written other books, I just haven’t had the time yet, to publish them. However, now that this book is finally ready to go, I am steadily working on completing and fine tuning No More Diaper for Boys. It will be getting published next and very soon. I have another book for girls – that is nearly completed on puberty and what to expect and how to deal with it. This book is specifically designed for girls on the autism spectrum, but again can be used for all girls and would simply be used with typical girls, at a younger age to prepare them for what they will go through.

I have an informational children’s series that I have created for kids as well. It has fictional characters created for young toddlers and/or children with autism. It is not targeted at children with autism however, and is teaching information in a story like manner, vs. a factual manner. These books teach children about their state or other states and a variety of other things. They have a little family that tells about their travels similar in style to the Bernstein Bears Books. The first book I started with, was where I started and is about this fictional family in Alaska. From there on there are hundreds more titles and concepts, all teaching true things to our children.

I originally wanted to write novels for adults, as I mentioned before, and in my relax time – I still do. I have two of them that I am about 6 or 8 chapters into writing down. I already know the entire stories in my head, I just haven’t had time to get them all the way out and onto paper and finished yet.

But they are coming along and one day when I have done what I need to for my children and other children, I will start publishing my novels. That is a promise! (They are far more interesting). They are a bit like Clive Cussler type books and are historical fiction and futuristic fiction depending on the novel.

8Q: What do you think is the cause of autism? And do you think that vaccinations have anything to do with autism?

8A: I do not know what the cause of autism is, or the cure – but since you asked me what I “think” the cause is, I will answer that. I do believe very strongly, that autism is partly genetic. I believe that whether it is a gene that lies dormant for a while and then comes out, or whether it is very very recessive and only comes out through marrying a person who also carries the gene and is also very recessive, I do not know. I really don’t, but I do KNOW that it runs in families and runs in mine.

I do NOT believe that autism is SOLELY caused by vaccinations. I really don’t, because the only shot that my youngest son ever received, was a vitamin K shot, and he still has autism, however, his autism is so very much more mild than my two daughters autism and they both received vaccinations.
My middle child did not receive the MMR, but received the rest of her vaccinations and she still has more severe autism than my youngest, but less severe autism than my oldest.

So, I do believe that vaccinations play a part in all of this. Whether it is the Thimerosal (Mercury) in it, or whether it is the disease with which they are injecting a child that triggers and affects children like mine, I do not know. Considering that I was told by the doctors that there was no Thimerosal in my children’s vaccinations – then either I was lied to, or it is not only the mercury but the vaccination itself that affects children with this genetic predisposition.

Years ago, when I was living in Hawaii and attending college, I was assigned a paper and was allowed to pick my topic. I do not know why I chose the topic I did. It was just something I read that had said the black plague and I wanted to know more about it, but I have been very thankful that I did choose to write on that subject, as it has given me insight regarding my children’s autism.

I wrote a 15 page paper on the bubonic plague and I probably read 120 pages or more to learn about it, in order to write the paper. The reason that I mention this, is because the bubonic plague was caused by:
A flea biting a filthy contaminated sickly rat and then going and biting a person.
Flea + dirty rat + person = bubonic plague

It took millions of deaths and an end to multiple cities and caused panic and fear and was very horrific for the people who got it.

You see, with hindsight we may think, “why didn’t these people figure it out”, but the reason, is that it was a multi step process. It was not a simple cause and effect.
?+?=2 that is easy,
but try ?+?-?=20
There are going to be far more options and scenarios.

It was not so simple for them to figure out. In fact there was a time when people wore these crazy looking bird suits with a beak looking thing in front of their mouths. They would hide inside during the day, because they thought it was being caused by exposure to the sun, and many other wild ideas. It took a lot, before they realized what was causing the epidemic.

If just anyone who had been bitten by any flea had been infected with the plague, that would have been easy, just like if all children who were vaccinated got autism – that would be easy – but that is not the case… so it is not easy.

I do believe that there unfortunately are many steps to the autism equation. I do not think that it is even as easy as
?+?-?=20.
I think it is unfortunately more like ?+?+ ½?-??+?+?=100.

I think I have figured out part of the equation, but when you only have two or three out of seven and the other four or five could be an infinite number of possibilities, then I still think that autism’s cause or cure will be a long time in the figuring out.

So, for now, I would like to focus on how to help my children and others who already have autism, to learn to deal with it and function and to have a happy healthy life – instead of ignoring them and becoming obsessed with a cure.

9Q: Where can I find out more about autism?

9A: You can go to Yahoo or Google and do a search for early intervention for the state of ____________ and then enter your state. Each state has services which are free for those who cannot afford them or are under a certain income bracket. They will help you by evaluating your child and making a plan for them to meet their developmental goals and self help skills.

You can look up DAN doctors, which are doctors or naturopathic specialists many of whom have a flood of information regarding the autism spectrum. They offer an alternative to modern medicine, for those children who are not responding to medicine or who are responding adversely to typical medicine.

Find resources and web sites that you personally feel you can trust and then do a search within them regarding your autism question/s. Again, find either a local or online autism support group, that is the fastest and best way to get your questions answered – from other moms and dads of kids on the spectrum. Yahoo chat has my favorite autism group.

When my web site is back online, you can visit it too. It is: http://awaken-autism-awareness.com/ but is not currently available. Sorry!

10Q: I have a topic that I would like to suggest to you, that I need a book on for my child with autism, would you be willing to take suggestions?

10A: I would be happy to take suggestions, and I would like to have them. Getting ideas and input from readers is the best way for me or anyone to create what is needed. My sister asked me to write two very specific books for things that she needed to teach her son and hasn’t been able to find books on. They are my next projects to work on, as they are things I need for my kids as well and that pretty much all children could benefit from.

Feel free to e-mail me at: esther@esthersmithbooks.com
With any suggestions, questions, or comments. I would love to hear from you!

11Q: Has this book helped you to potty train your children?

11A: This book has helped us, in our children’s toilet training immensely! As I said on the back of my book, it is definitely (for my kids anyhow) not any over-night success, but nothing has been with them. It has helped my oldest daughter to learn and understand the steps of going potty on the toilet and to understand why. She is very excited about the process. She has finally the last four days, been completely accident free and has been going both potty and poopy into the toilet - while before she was afraid and did not understand it at all. She didn’t even know what to do.

My 6 year old has finally – with the help of this book – decided to go poop on the toilet. She has been consistently going pee pee on the toilet since a day after I introduced my book to her, and she was very proud of herself and happy about that, but just as I mentioned above, the last four days, she has decided to go poo poo on the toilet too and she is so very happy, and I am too.

I believe that her going poop on the toilet was a direct result of me taking away her pull-ups and diaper and only allowing her to wear panties, at the same time as introducing my No More Diaper Step Stickers and Rewards Chart to her. I introduced that to her only 5 days ago and took the pull-ups away the same day. A combination of the book, the charts, the stickers, the panties, NO MORE DIAPER (or pull-up) and her co-operation we have been successful.

We have had great progress in the last three months that I have been using my book with her and we had NOT had any success with ANYTHING else up until then.

I have never given up hope though and have confidence that soon my other two children will decide to go on the toilet too. At least for now, I have one child who’s doing it! Before the book, she could not explain anything regarding toileting, she did not know the vocabulary to use and what it meant. Now she does, and it has helped – I know that.

If your child is not yet potty trained, do not give up hope. Try this book with her and see what happens. It is always worth a try! It has definitely been helping us a lot! There are also stickers and rewards available at my web site, and there is a FREE download Rewards Chart page too, for your convenience.

12Q: Why do you think that autism is rising, do you think it is just over-diagnosis, and do you think the rise can be stopped?

12A: I absolutely do not think that autism is just due to over-diagnosis! My reason for feeling this way, is that first off these numbers of individuals diagnosed are very young ages. If they were just saying, “Oh, you are kinda weird, I bet you are autistic, yes lets label you as that, even though you are 35 and living on your own” then maybe I would believe that it was due to diagnosing individuals who had not been identified before with autism. However the kids in these studies and surveys, are at oldest 8 years old and are usually between 3 and 5 years old.

I grew up in a family with nine children. I was the second oldest, all my siblings had their issues, as many people do. My brother use to scream till he made himself pass out, my other brother used to bang his head into the crib and other things when he was mad. My sister was very smart and not tremendously social, one brother had a hard time reading. I had a hard time with textures and had to use a glass or metal cup. We all had our oddities, but even if we had been evaluated by the teams that evaluated my children today… they would NOT have been diagnosed with autism.

Children with autism do head bang, and have social problems, and texture issues, and sometimes have reading delays and tantrums that last till they go into seizers or pass out. However, having only one or two of these signs or symptoms is not nearly enough for a child to be diagnosed with autism. Children must have a collection of these symptoms and there must be verbal delays and so on in order to be diagnosed on the autism spectrum.

So, I guess what I am saying and in answer to the question of “do you think that the rise in autism is just over-diagnosis?” I would have to say most definitely not. They do NOT throw these diagnoses out, as people so critically mention (without knowing). I had to take each of my children into multiple evaluations, testing centers, doctors offices, and have a multitude of specialists and therapists in my home for a very long period of time, before any of them received a diagnosis. They do not just diagnose somebody after one time of meeting them. They continue to observe and test and work with these children for months, before coming to a diagnosis. It took my oldest daughter a year and a half of me pushing for help and begging people to help me understand what was wrong with her, before she was finally diagnosed.

And this was even when she had not crawled till she was 12 months, had not walked till 2 days after her 18 month anniversary, and had began speaking at age 18 months and then completely stopped clapping and talking at age 21 months. This was after she had full eye contact and then it disappeared, and this was while she was head-banging, having seizers and drooling and biting and acting like a rabid animal.

Do I think that the rise could stop, yes I do. I do, because while I do not know of a specific “trigger” that is consistent in every case of autism, I do know that autism happens to individuals due to a trigger. And I do believe that those triggers are environmental and I do believe that they are chemicals and things that can be avoided.

13Q: If you sell a ton of books and make a ton of money, what do you plan to do with your money?

13A: Oh, I hope I do sell a ton of books and make a ton of money! Who doesn’t? But actually, I have drastically different plans than most people, on what I would do with my money if and when I have it someday.

First, as I get a little money from this book, I plan to put it all back into the making of other books, so that their can be much more available for individuals with autism and their families.

Then, if I ever get enough to cover all those expenses, and pay off my own student loans and mortgage and all of those things, so that I am completely debt free – then I intend to start a program. I am not sure what I want to call it yet, but it is something I have dreamed about for a very long time. I do not wish to spend all my money of frivolities, and travel and beaches and cars and riches as so many do. I have been at the poverty and suffering level of income far too long to ever turn around and become what I can not stand in others who have too much money for their own good.

I intend to create a company that has programs for everyone. A company that is not based on stupid things like credit reports that DO NOT truly define a man or woman and only ruin their chances for ever getting ahead in the future. A program that does not pay people to sit around and do nothing – but gives them a reason to live, a reason to work, a desire to try and to succeed instead of being afraid to succeed. Unfortunately most modern programs do that. If you succeed or even if you just try to succeed you get penalized. That is wrong!

I could tell you about my dreams for this company (hopefully someday city, or even society) for pages and pages, but I will leave that for a book of it’s own . Or for you to all help be a part of someday in the future, if I am blessed enough to ever get that kind of income.

14Q: Do you have any other ideas or methods that I might try in potty training my child?

14A: Consistency is the main thing. You must stick with it! Remind your child frequently and do not give up or forget to stick with the training yourself. I have tried almost everything that I have ever heard of, with potty training my children, and nothing really worked, other than using my book with very clear pictures over and over, taking away her pull-up (or diaper), using my Step Sticker Rewards Chart (available on my web site for FREE), and being consistent.

You should also know that children with Autism, and all children, need repetition and visuals. So I plan to make my book into a slide show with a narrative and offer it on DVD also. Do not underestimate the power of reading and spending that quality time with your child, however. They need that, just as much as watching a video, even though I must say that most children with autism do memorize videos faster - still the need for interaction with other people is huge.

15Q: How can people help? Is there something that someone can do to help their friends or family or anyone who has autism? Can the government help?

15A: Each individual with autism and their family’s needs are very different; but the one thing that remains consistent with these families, is financial need. Being on the autism spectrum always coincides with health challenges and the need for special foods, products, therapies, equipment, medicine, herbal remedies, and more.

People can find ways to help their friends and family, by listening to their complaints and their needs. If they can not help them in the ways that they need and still want to help, they can always offer to pay someone else for those services. For instance if they need respite or help with childcare and you do not feel confident enough or they are too hesitant to leave their children with someone who is NOT a professional, then you can offer to pay for however many hours of childcare or respite care, that you can afford.
You can offer to pay for some of their therapies (speech therapy, Occupational therapy, ABA, floor time, etc.).

Many children with autism are not potty trained, I have even known personally of individuals on the spectrum who are 17 and 21 who are not toilet trained. Hence my strong desire to publish these books to help these individuals and their families. But, until those children or individuals finally understand and “get” the concept of bowel movements on the toilet verses their diaper – diapers are VERY expensive. So, if you know someone with autism, whose’ child has autism or any other disability and is still in a diaper, then find out their size and help the family stock up on diapers. Or give them a gift card and say in a note “This is for diapers. It’s the only thing I knew of to do to help out”.

There are many other things that can be done to help, those are just a few ideas. Another idea is to donate to places that help individuals and families with autism!

As far as the government helping, it would be very nice to have help available through the government. The only thing is, they run into the same problem that you face…
They don’t know how to help us either. They do have some programs available such as SSI, SSD, and Medicaid, and food-stamps. The only thing about those programs, is they do not fit the typical family with autism's needs. Most families who have a family member with autism, are on a special diet, as individuals with autism and usually their families have many allergies to regular basic foods, such as wheat, sugar, dairy, corn, perfumes, dyes, even things like toothpaste and makeup.

Therefore, these families must shop at health-food stores and organic places to avoid all the chemicals and dyes and to find products that they are not sensitive to, or allergic too. food-stamps do not work at these stores. These stores charge like $5 - $8 per loaf of wheat free bread, the amount people receive on food-stamps is not enough to cover their families needs when they are on these “spendy” foods for the entire month, or even half the month at times. Also, not all families qualify for food-stamps. Only families with VERY low income, can even get help at all, and almost all families who are affected by autism need help.

The same thing with the Social Security Income and Social Security Disability, they only are given to people who make basically nothing. They count your gross income, not your net income and you basically have to be working part time at minimum wage with one parent working, to qualify. And even then they only pay you tops $623 a month no matter what state you live in. Groceries alone, not including diapers, can cost that much for a family of three to five who have special dietary needs, and that is not including ever eating out, or getting treats or desserts.

Medicaid helps a little, but again only if you make under that same amount of income, and only if you qualify for the SSI or SSD, and even then sometimes takes a year to get on. Plus once you are on it, unless you have to go to the hospital or unless you have the “typical” medical needs of a non-autistic family, this does not help much.

The reason why, is because those with autism, typically do not want vaccinations, do not want medications as they all have strong chemicals that react strangely to individuals with autism. These Medicaid cards do not work on the things that we actually need, such as diapers, herbal remedies, vitamins, teas, and the things that work on individuals with autism.

So, if the government wants to help, it will take a very special plan that can be changeable depending on the needs of each family and individual, just like doctors have various plans and medications for the average American individual. Medicine is NOT a one size fits all, and neither is an answer for autism. I may be a woman, so in that aspect I am the same as 50% of the population, but do all women wear the same size? I can guarantee you, there are as many solutions for autism as there are sizes for women.

16Q: The language in this book seems a little advanced. Why such BIG concepts for such little kids?

A: Well as I mentioned before, I have known individuals who are 17 and even 21 who are not yet toilet trained, so this is not just for little kids. This book was not made just for a “typical” aged potty trainee. It was specifically designed for kids of many different ages who may be at hugely different levels of understanding, but still need to master this self help skill. The mother of the 17 year old who has still not yet mastered this toilet using skill, has not given up on her child and will not. She is determined that eventually something will work, as her child is very smart, but just can not yet understand the reasoning behind switching from letting someone else clean up and the child themselves handle the matter.

17Q: Would you consider illustrating for another author and if so, can you draw other styles or just the kind of style type in your book.

A: I would be happy to illustrate for other authors. If I have the time, that is. Sometimes, I can make time when things are going all right at home, and other times it is too hectic, but feel free to contact me at my web site on the answer to question #20 and we can talk about what you need illustrated.

As far as my style, well I don’t have any one specific style. I can do almost anything and enjoy almost every style of art out there. I would be happy to see what I can do for you.

18Q: I need a potty training book, but my child is NOT autistic. Can I still use this book for him/her and if so are there any special instructions?

A: Yes, you and anyone seeking to toilet train their child can use this book. It is written for kids with autism, because they have some questions that maybe an average “potty training” age kid would not have. But all you have to do is read over the book first. Determine which subjects he/she would NOT understand, or don’t need. Then simply skip over words, sentences or paragraphs that you do not feel pertain to your child. Just point to the pictures on the pages, that you skip the words on, and explain to your child in your own words what is going on, or what you want him/her to learn from it.

Nothing in the book is bad or inappropriate for little ones, it is just maybe two or three pages that are above an average toddlers understanding. However there can be NO harm in reading the pages to him/her anyway, and just seeing if they are an average kiddo or above average. And if they don’t understand it, skip it, or keep reading it to them and one day they will.

19Q: What is so different about a child with autism? How can you tell them apart? What does autism look like? I hear people with autism complain about how hard it is to have a child with autism, but their kids “seem” normal to me. What is it that I am not seeing? Can kids with autism control their behavior? Are they faking it?

A: There are many questions in one here, so I will do my best to answer all of them adequately. The one I will start with, is the question that I and many on the spectrum or with children on the autism spectrum have heard many many times. “What does autism look like?”

In response to that, I would like to ask a question, “What does a deaf person look like?” Now in answering that question, in case someone doesn’t know… No, two deaf individuals look the same, unless they happen to also be twins. Being deaf has no outward physical manifestation, simply from glancing at someone, or seeing them in a picture. Someone can realize that an individual is deaf, by observing that that person does not respond appropriately to spoken questions, or demands – but it is not something you can figure out just by what color their hair is, or what shape their eyes are. It is the same with autism.

If you observe an individual who has autism and know what you are looking for, you can tell who they are from certain things. For example if an autistic individual is asked something that they do not understand, haven’t had time to think about and know what their response is, or something that bothers them and they do not want to talk about – they may respond much like an individual from a foreign country, who knows english, but not all of english and they may seem confused, pretend to understand when they don’t, or switch the topic to whatever they happen to be thinking about at the time.

As I have mentioned though all individuals with or without autism are unique and have their own characteristics and ways of handling things, so you are never going to be able to “spot” someone with autism just from a photo or across the mall, unless they are having a meltdown and are crying and tantruming, hand-flapping, rocking, or whatever ways that they demonstrate their emotions when they are overwhelmed by the world.

In other words, There is NO “look” for people with autism. It is not like someone going through chemo who has a bald head, it is not like downs syndrome where there is a physical characteristic that shows up very similar in those who are affected by it.

As far as the other questions: No, people with autism are not faking it. They are usually 2 -5 years old and would never know how to fake it, even if they wanted to. It would benefit them in no way, so there would be no point. Would the parents fake it? Well, some parents might be crazy enough to try, but what good would it do them? No-body really helps people with autism, there isn’t much if any funding available for it, and many people have never even heard of it, so they are certainly not supportive or sympathetic. Besides, there is NO way, humanly possible, that a parent could convince or force there 2-5 year old to behave in all these ways, nor would they want them to.

Concerning the questions which asked “What is so different about a child with autism?” and “What is it that I am not seeing?” There is a lot that the average person (and even people like Early Intervention Specialists) do NOT see! There is the changing diapers till a kid is who know how old. There is having them scream, cry, rock, and tantrum and you don’t know what to do – because they can’t talk to you (and even if they can, they don’t always know what they need). There is them not learning to use their silverware, not eating anything you give them, refusing to touch food or let you put it in their mouth, because they are afraid of the texture. There is the hundreds of hours of missed sleep, because often without medication or herbal remedies, these individuals are unable to fall asleep. My oldest daughter has personally gone four days, before finally going to sleep, before we discovered what worked for her.

There are so many huge and exhausting things that the world does not see. We are not blaming the world, we are not even asking them to see, but many of us would appreciate it, if the world would stop judging, guessing, and thinking they could do a better job. We love our children and they have wonderful gifts, talents and are a blessing to us, but in so many ways are more exhausting than anything someone who has not been through it, can understand.

20Q: Does anyone else carry your book?
A: Yes, my publisher: http://www.publicationconsultants.com , and hopefully soon- Fred Meyer, Barnes & Noble, and Walmart. We are currently negotiating with them.